Old People and Their Cell Phones

I'm old. I'll be 55 in January. I love tech. My mother in law keeps TALKING about getting an iPhone. She thinks it will be hard to use but I keep fucking telling her that it is so easy, she may actually keep it turned on and use the fucker. She has some antiquated, difficult as hell, piece of shit cell phone that nobody (except my 12 year old asperger-tech-geek kid) could ever figure out how to use cell phone anti-technology crap-shit-mutha-fucker phone.... (Phew... I got lost there) Anyway... She is 79. She is a fabulous MIL. But when she travels and is "using" her POS fucking phone from the dark ages, she doesn't (a) turn the thing ON. (b) Does not charge it. (c) Doesn't know how to ANSWER it (d) Doesn't know how to retrieve voice messages (e) God forbid she gets a TEXT message, just forget it. That's impossible.

But Hurray! Some kindly relative, a cousin of my husbands', I believe, sat her down and showed her his iPhone. He almost had her convinced. But she hasn't sprung for the much needed upgrade in technology...YET. There's still hope. I really want to take a trip up to Central California to visit her. I LOVE her. I hate the lack of techy-goodness in her life. Also, since I'm on this little rant. She NEEDS a goddamned iPad. Get rid of that piece of shit, old as hell PC lady! Get yourself to an Apple Store or a Target and buy a fucking iPad for cryin' out loud. Spring for a wireless printer (they're cheap)and get a tech-geek to your house to set up a wireless network. Join the planet in all our wireless glory. Sit on your couch and surf the infinite world of the internets. Look at high res images of your fabulous grandchildren on a beautiful, compact, had held iPad!!!! Awesomeness is yours, reach out and grab it! 

Here is proof that you CAN find any kind of image on the internet: