and I lost a shit load of money at a pricy casino.
It doesn't matter that I can't pay my creditors. Fuck them. I like gambling, it's fun!
So, I decided to call my uncle. He's a swell guy, I asked him to pay off my gambling debt... The conversation went like this:
Me: Hey, Uncle Sam, I had a lot of fun in Vegas, you should really go there, it's a hoot!
Uncle Sam: I am so happy for you. It's always nice to take a vacation. Did you do any gambling?
Me: Uh, about that... I lost a lot of money.
Uncle Sam: That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you are going to be okay.
Me: Me? Heck yes, I'm fine. I still have my 3 homes and my kids are still going to that fancy private school - My husband likes to shop and he bought a new car and flew in our private jet to our house in Maui to take a break. Life is a bit hectic but that's expected...
Uncle Sam: So glad you are doing well... I hear you're looking very good... Now why did you call?
Me: That gambling debt - I couldn't really afford to lose all that money, now that I look back, it wasn't all that smart to gamble and roulette isn't my game. I need you to pay back my creditors - I want to keep my stuff, it would suck to have to sell any of it... Please Uncle Sam, pay off my debt, okay?
Uncle Sam: Oh my, this is terrible! You should never gamble with money you can't afford to lose. But, since you didn't mean any harm I'll take all this money that I was supposed to use for other stuff and pay off your debt and then I'll just take more money from the people who live in your town, if they don't give it to me, I'll just foreclose on their houses, take their stuff and that will pay for YOUR stuff! How's that?
Me: That sounds great. It's also really fair and equitable. I think it's Jimmy Carters' fault that I went to Vegas in the first place. I hate the Democrats for making me gamble like that.
Now, I'm going to go sit by my pool and have a margarita... Buh-bye....